Sunday, April 18, 2010

Russian Adoption issue = BIG talk with Miss Missy

Yes, we've changed her name, Miss Missy fits her better. :)

So, because of the issue, I had a serious sit down LONG talk with MM. We talked about it seriously, and she came up with good questions, and logic of her own. I said that the lady had made very poor decisions, hadn't planned, and that now many people - both children waiting to be adopted and parents in the process - were hurt. I wanted her to know about this in case people asked her about it, or said something hurtful like 'your parents will put you on a plane back to China'. Yes, I've actually heard of another child being told that.

I assured her that we were prepared in case something happened, that we knew where to go to get her help if her brain got sick - how I described what might have been wrong with the little boy - and told her I didn't believe it would ever happen to her, but just in case we were ready. I also made sure that she knew she had access to people to talk to too, our Social Worker, Peggy, will always be available for her.

We talked about different countries' policies on adoption, and how we talked about how Bill and I had come to decide to adopt and then decide on China. We covered a lot of topics, mental illness, preparation for adoption, how there were many resources available for people, and others. All these issues were discussed with her right by my side, glued to me almost by her own choice. I was glad, the physical contact actually reassured the both of us, me that she'd put herself there because it was reassuring, and her because she could snuggle up and be safe while she discussed scary issues.

She was most upset that the families could not become families now, because one person hadn't asked for help. She kept coming back to that, so I know it was important, and I reassured her that we would get her help or us help if any of us needed it. She even commented on how the boy, who would have had trust issues to begin with, now would be even less likely to trust anyone. I was pleased she thought of that one on her own.

I felt this was a good, and important building block, she now has tools to respond to people if they say something mean. "My parents KNOW where to go for help, and will ask for it, they would NEVER send me back" and she won't be blindsided by someone asking about these issues.

Note: I wasn't able to finish this post yesterday because a friend came over. This talk was so important to Calliandra that she told my friend all about it. It makes me double glad to have done it.

Calli's a thinker, a worrier almost, so knowing this will help. An example of this is; Mum fell and hit her forehead twice on the bathtub due to a slippery bath mat. She went to emergency and then stayed for 8 days because she was also running a bronchitis related fever that wouldn't go away. After she was released, she came to stay with us because we have recliner she could sleep in. The recliner is a small one, and is under Calli's loft, so they have been roommates ever since. Calli is looking towards the future though, and started to worry about how SHE would get ME to the Dr's when I was old and sick. I was touched by her concern, and said there were ways for us to go places, and that when the time came, she would know how to use them already because she is smart and competent. I mentioned the small buses just for that purpose, and that seemed to appease her worries. It was just so Calli, to be worried about the future, and taking care of me, now when she is only 10.

1 comment:

Heather said...

glad you had that discussion with Calli. she is such a smart girl.